World Cup of Kits (Group B)

 Here is Group B and probably my least favorite one I had to do. The USA reallly let me down here, and Wales was honestly the only team who even showed up. But here it is:

Group B: United States, England, Wales, Iran

United States of America:

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. 8 years, EIGHT YEARS I’ve waited for my country to play on the world’s biggest stage and this is what Nike does for its home nation.

The white kit literally looks like an Arizona Wildcats away jersey and if you think I’m joking, here is a link to the Arizona Wildcats away jersey! It’s another example of what I’m calling the Inter collar and once again there is just nothing special about the kit that it occupies. But just wait because the white kit is not even the worst of it.

Please don’t get me started on the tie dye… dammit I’m started! This warm up shirt lookin, plain havin ass is our blue kit. It’s terrible, arguably the worst kit I have ever seen from the US which historically does have some misses. Objectively speaking it's not the worst kit in this tournament, but all the buildup and excitement I had are amplified by its mediocre glory. 

It crushes me to my soul that the US will not advance to the group stage with a winless performance in a group with England, especially because England’s kits aren’t amazing either. But we just don’t deserve it. Do better Nike!

Result: L against Wales, L against England, L against Iran. 0 points fail to qualify in 4th place

England:

I think speak for all Americans and I think most football fans in the world when I say: Fuck you England! I’m sorry if I offend anyone with this, but like also, I don’t. England’s fanbase is the Dallas Cowboys of national teams, the New York Yankees if they don’t win another title for 30 years, the Roman Empire supporters of yesteryear. Yes, you invented the sport, yes you won ONE CUP at home in Wembley. That doesn’t mean you can obnoxiously act like you’re God’s gift to football fandom. I hope to all that is holy that football is not coming home.

Rant out of the way, these kits are pretty meh. They are better than the US’s. I have to be honest no matter how much it pains me. I just feel like there is a ton of potential here, great colors on a historic kit. But I just am not a fan of the shoulder design on the white.

I actually really do like the red, but I think it's just too much red. If they had navy shorts I think that it would do wonders to make it less monochromatic. The navy collar and the fact that the US decided to show a piss poor performance see England through to the knockouts. 

Result: Slight W against Iran, W against US (luckily for them they weren’t up 13-0), L against Wales. 6 points, advance in 2nd in the group.

Wales:

I really like these kits! I know that they are fairly basic and that there isn’t a ton going on, but I think they work so well! Like I said, red and white on a World Cup kit is hard to mess up and I think Adidas shows out with a masterclass performance here.

The subtle zigzags on the red kit give it jusssst enough flair to not make it boring enough to criticize. It could be the lighting but I just think the stripes it creates with the shades of red are really clean.

Another pretty simple kit with the white, but that collar makes it. I may just be a fool for that triangular zigzag pattern but I think it works here like it did on the red Qatar kit earlier. The Wales dragon logo I think just puts these in a class of their own in group B and it's a clean sweep against some pretty mediocre competition.

Results: W against US, W against Iran, W against England. Advance with 9 points well clear at the top of the group!

Iran:

Shout out to the protesters in Iran for standing up against an oppressive government and to the players for standing with them! If it’s not the US out of this group I hope Iran makes it in real life. 

And I’m sorry but these kits are just not amazing. I see what they tried to do with the subtle pattern on the shoulders. I will say I do like the green and red on the sleeves and collar that resemble the Iranian flag, but other than that these kits are a pretty big miss for me.

I can’t have my love for the color scheme see another team through and England’s kits are just objectively slightly better. This is the world’s biggest stage and perhaps the most exposure Majid will ever have and while they didn’t completely bottle it, they just weren’t anything super pleasing.

Result: L against England (pretty close), W against US, L against Iran. 3 points, miss knockout stage in 3rd place.

Overall Results